Tesla’s 2023 Investor Day livestream just kicked off this afternoon. It’s a chance for investors, industry followers, the media, and Tesla enthusiasts to get a glimpse at everything the electric car company has planned for 2023 and beyond. But don’t take anything CEO Elon Musk says on-stage seriously — according to the enormous disclaimer posted at the beginning of the livestream, everything and anything announced at today’s event could be total, 100-percent bullshit.
Here’s what livestream viewers saw ahead of Tesla’s investor call (no need to squint, I’ve painstakingly typed it all out below):
Tesla, famously, does not have a public relations department, and does not employ anybody who could answer journalists’ questions about anything. So this enormous (and enormously dense) disclaimer is just about the only statement out of Tesla that your favorite automotive writers at Jalopnik (and lesser publications) can rely on. And while ass-covering corporate disclaimers are a standard part of any company’s public announcements, when it comes to Tesla and its extremely loose relationship with its own deadlines, a statement this thorough carries extra meaning.
So, what is Tesla’s official stance on whatever will be announced tonight? Basically, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Here’s the full disclaimer:
Certain statements in this presentation, including, but not limited to, statements relating to the future development, ramp, production capacity and output rates, supply chain, demand and market growth, cost, pricing and profitability, deliveries, deployment, availability and other features and improvements and timing of existing and future Tesla products and technologies such as Model 3, Model Y, Model X, Model S, Cybertruck, Tesla Semi, Robotaxi, our next generation vehicle platform, our Autopilot, Full Self-Driving, and other vehicle software and our energy storage and solar products; statements regarding operating margin, operating profits, spending and liquidity; and statements regarding expansions, improvements and/or ramp and related timing at existing or new factories are “forward-looking statements” that are subject to risks and uncertainties. These forward-looking statements are based on management’s current expectations, and are a result of certain risks and uncertainties, actual results may differ materially from those projected. The following important factors, without limitation, could cause actual results to differ materially from those in the forward-looking statements: uncertainties in future macroeconomic and regulatory conditions arising from the current global pandemic; the risk of delays in launching and manufacturing our products and features cost-effectively; our ability to grow our sales, delivery, installation, servicing and charging capabilities and effectively manage this growth; consumers’ demand for electric vehicles generally and our vehicles specifically; the ability of suppliers to deliver components according to schedules, prices, quality and volumes acceptable to us, and our ability to manage such components effectively; any issues with lithium-ion cells or other components manufactured at Gigafactory Nevada and Gigafactory Shanghai; our ability to ramp Gigafactory Shanghai, Gigafactory Berlin-Brandenburg, Gigafactory Texas and new factories in accordance with our plans; our ability to procure supply of battery cells, including through our own manufacturing; risks relating to international expansion; any failures by Tesla products to perform as expected or if product recalls occur; the risk of product liability claims; competition in the automotive and energy product markets; our ability to maintain public credibility and confidence in our long-term business prospects; our ability to manage risks relating to our various product financing programs; the status of government and economic incentives for electric vehicles and energy products; our ability to attract, hire and retain key employees and qualified personnel and ramp our installation teams; our ability to maintain the security of our information and production and product systems; our compliance with various regulations and laws applicable to our operations and products, which may evolve from time to time; risks relating to our indebtedness and financing strategies; and adverse foreign exchange movements. More information on potential factors that could affect our financial results is included from time to time in our Securities and Exchange Commission filings and reports, including the risks identified under the section captioned “Risk Factors” in our annual report on Form 10-K filed with the SEC on January 31, 2023. Tesla disclaims any obligation to update information contained in these forward-looking statements whether as a result of new information, future events or otherwise.